Normal, what’s that suppose to look like? I honestly don’t even know anymore. One of the hardest parts of being a transplant patient is the constant changes from good to bad and bad to good. It is such a bumpy life. I was on the island this week with Gavin’s senior boys soccer team. Each day I felt my body getting weaker. It was hard when I thought I was a lot stronger . Today has been much worse. I slept all afternoon. Everything hurts. I feel feverish but don’t have a fever. Headaches have still been bad . I am super thankful that I could be there for Gavin. It was fun watching the boys play. I enjoyed the company that was with me. I was thankful I made it to church this morning. We had a sermon on ,
Ephesians 6: 17 b
and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God,
Our Pastor talked about things we really want. A new toy for a child , a new cell phone , a new car . We are always excited about getting something shiny and new. The truth is though, these things wear out. They get broken, outdated , worn out and then eventually thrown out or we lose interest in them.
It really struck me how I feel this way about my health and my body. I had cancer and was given an amazing gift of some brand new healthy stem cells. I was excited, overjoyed, thankful just like a shiny new toy. Ok , it is a bit different but it still applies to an extent. However, my body has shown over and over again that it’s still fighting, it breaks, hurts, gets tired and worn out. People start to not come around as much or their support disappears completely ( I am still supported don’t worry) Maybe I’m more like an invisible illness now. I look pretty normal. I have hair again and put on some weight. All looks great on the outside. Truth is , things are still hard. I have had a great couple months. It’s been obvious . My energy was high , I felt great, eating wasn’t a problem other than eating too much. This was all thanks to prednisone. Now I’m going off prednisone and my body is returning to it’s natural state. Right now this will be my normal. Its difficult and I hope that my strength stops declining. I want to be strong. I want to be able to take care of my family and my friends. I need to find peace with this.
Back to the sermon. The sword , the word of God . The bible may get worn and torn on the outside but it will never go away. It’s strength will always be strong and true. We need to use this in our daily living, how we interact with people. We need to share this with people. We need to apply it to our lives. Rely on the truth to get us through adversity. My body may not be the normal I want but it’s where God wants it to be. Maybe this is His way of making me focus more on Him and not my pain . One day my body won’t matter. What will matter is my faith . Once this life is over , the pain and suffering will be gone and I will be in heaven more full of life than ever before. So I encourage you all to open your bibles. Study His word. Find peace in the normal you have right now. I am working on it and will continue to try and find peace in His word . Sick or not , His love and word is the same.