I know a lot of people ask Aaron about me. If you read my blog you know things are not great. I’m losing my positive attitude and feeling pretty defeated these days. I don’t know what to think of it all anymore. This isn’t the life I was hoping for. It is the life I’ve been given though and I really do try to make the best of it. I focus on my heavenly Father and find comfort and joy in Jesus. It keeps me going but barely.
Physically I’m dizzy a lot. I have headaches daily, and nausea every morning . Gavin spent a snow day cleaning up puke all day because I physically could not move. 🙁 Weakness seems to never leave me. I just walked around a store for 15 minutes and I am now taking a break lying here blogging because I’m so tired. The grey skies bring me down. The messy unorganized house brings me down. That is usually where my energy goes. I’m trying to make things easier by organizing but it’s taking me a long time. I wanted to ask for help but realistically it’s something I need to do on my own .
Going through chronic fatigue and transplant it’s so difficult to know if it’s a result of treatment or if it’s depression. Are things mentally catching up to me? I don’t know. I’m working through it.
People ask what I’m doing, what I’m up to and I feel guilty answering because it’s usually “nothing”. I want to be able to say I’m doing all these great things but I’m probably lying on my bed doing nothing. People ask how I’m feeling and I feel guilty because I don’t want to say I’m doing bad. Im usually lying . Sorry 😢.
I’m thankful Aaron and I are going to get some downtime soon together and hopefully it’s the therapy I need.
Thank you all from church who reach out and send their love . Aaron always tells me. ❤️