42 1 As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. 2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?3 My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?” 4 These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival. 5 Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation6 and my God.My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar. 7 Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have gone over me. 8 By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. 9 I say to God, my rock: “Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?” 10 As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?” 11 Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.
The days are hard and unpredictable lately. My heart and mind struggle finding my purpose here on earth. Life has changed so much in the last 2 years. I don’t always know what to do with myself. I have had fatigue again this weekend and it makes me feel useless. The headaches and tummy aches come and go. I try to live each day in the present and not worry about the future but I have been. I won’t go into details on those worries. I will lay them before God. Recovery is a roller coaster and right now I’m caught in the twisty part that feels like it’s spiralling down and not knowing what curve or drop will happen next is scary. Some days are really good. Some days I don’t know what to do with myself. No sympathy needed. This is all part of my journey and I just need to learn how to navigate the hard times. I try to remember that everyday is a gift and find the joy in each day that God gives me . I know the blessings in my life outweigh the discomforts.